i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
