i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
