You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
