Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
