He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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