one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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