never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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