Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
