watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
