That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
