He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
