woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I could fuck to npr.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
