my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
