just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
