I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
