Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
