Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
