it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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