Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
