I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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