Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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