and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
try to milk me bitch
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