so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
