definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
