As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
