you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he fucked my hip out of place.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
