goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
