I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
