i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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