you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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