my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
