Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
