so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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