You made me cry and you don't even care
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
