it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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