went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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