There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
