So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
