whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
