i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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