jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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