hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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