he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
