I wannas sexs uuuuu
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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