Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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