so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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