Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
