Your tits are I can't wait for
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
