I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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