Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
