Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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