After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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