I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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