Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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